lunes, enero 15

The Silent Ghost (Depression)



The silent ghost that hides in the shadows of a candle,
the candle is the flickering "happiness" behind the lying smile on my face,
is the truth behind my insomniac eyes, that I justify with long work hours,
that justify all the time I spend taking naps, that justify my need not to be awake.

The silent ghost is the little voice in the back on my head,
a voice that lies to me telling me today will be a good day but then reminds me yesterday was not,
that last month was not, that last year was not, that the past couple of them were not,
that helps me get up in the morning and then sinks me in the bile of everyday’ s anxiety.

The silent ghost is the insomniac walks I never take because I am afraid I might finally take the decision to never come back.
Is the insomniac poems that I stopped writing because they were bringing me down!
Is the endless letters I have written in my head to my dead mother waiting for an answer that never comes;
Is the thousands of speeches and conversations I have gone over, and over again in my head from the ones that never happen to the ones I wish have gone a different direction!

The silent killer it's me filling the space in the crowd just one man in the middle of a sea of people,
It is I standing in the middle of the party not knowing where I am suppose go next,
The answer is out, run, get out, run and be free; but free of what when I am a prisoner of myself and the anxiety social gatherings causes inside!
Is the feeling of not belonging to nothing and wanting to belong to everything and everyone but feeling like that puzzle piece that never fits but you know it belongs to the picture. 

The silent ghost is the need to be honest but feeling anxious about what your words will provoke in others,
Because you appreciate others and do not want to hurt them, yet you cannot stop.
It is the morning after, when you start analyzing every single word you’ve said and every single gesture you did.
Even if you feel like you do not care, you want to go back, change the words and the looks, the gestures, even the kiss you gave to your partner before going to sleep because it might have not been given the right way. Then realizing it really does not matter because you've already fucked it up even if you didn't.

The silent ghost is depression and her sister anxiety that embrace me and without regard for the time or date or if I feel like Superman will remind me of how my life could have been if I had taken the opposite road, 
What would have happened if instead of going left, I would have gone right, and they lie!

Depression is the silent lover that never wants you to get out of bed but to spend another hour by her side,
Anxiety is the very talkative conscience that pushes you to go forward but then pulls you back in to the dirt, and it’s a dance that goes back at forth, back and forth and you feel like you can never stop, you can never sit down.

Depression is the murderer of all that you want and everything you could have ever had.
Depression is the only true friend I’ve ever had the one that has never really left, she is the one that really holds me dear and yet she always lies in the voice of Anxiety.
Depression is not a silent ghost but the silent killer that brings her little sister Anxiety to stab you in the back while she seductively smiles and stabs you in the heart!


Nailo Gottblut

18/01/18

martes, diciembre 5

I am.



I am all and nothing,
I am, was and will be,
I am a man and a woman,
I am a human being.

I am nothing and all,
I am the Earth,
I am the sun,
I am the stars.

I am in the skin,
And I am in the air,
I am in the light
As I am in the dark.

I am you
And I am me,
I am both
And I am no one.

I am all and I am nothing,
I am my bother and my sister,
I am my father and my mother,
I am all that were and those who will be.

I am all and nothing,
I am God and I am the Devil,
I am heaven and hell,
I am Chaos.

Nailo Gottblut

miércoles, julio 6

Soló un día te amé.




Soló un día te amé,
aunque llevo años queriendo besarte.
Soló un día te amé,
aunque llevo semanas queriendo abrazarte.

Soló un día te amé,
Soló un día y me enamoré,
perdidamente me entregué,
en solo un día todas mis mentiras desenmascaré.

En solo un día de tu sonrisa retorcida,
en solo un día de perderme en tu mirada,
en solo un día de entrelazarse nuestras vidas,
en tan solo un día después de muchos años.

Y me enamoré como la primera vez,
me enamoré sin querer,
me enamore todo lo que es tu ser,
me enamore de tu voz diciendo te amo.

Me enamoré hasta el punto de querer ser romántico,
me enamoré al punto de querer ver el amanecer a tu lado,
me enamoré al punto de querer amanecer contigo,
me enamoré y no quiero dejar de besarte.

Más bien soló en voz alta un día te ame,
por que en realidad siempre te amé,
por que en realidad durante años te pensé,
y durante incontables noches te soñé.

Ámame como te amo a la distancia,
y en la cercanía nunca dejes de besarme,
aunque nunca desnuda pueda verte,
nunca dejes de besarme.

Si soló un día te amé,
te amé desde la primera vez que te bese,
pero si soló ese día te amé,
entonces llevo de ti mucho tiempo enamorado.


Nailo Gottblut
07/06/2016

miércoles, noviembre 5

I'm not Bukowski.



I'm not Bukowski.

I can drink every day,
I can drink all day,
I can smoke my lungs out...
But I'm not Bukowski

I'm not a genius,
I don't write every day.
I cannot sit in front of the machine 3 hours everyday
Shit, I'm not Bukowski.

Women came in to early
Reporters never came,
Nor early, nor late,
They just never came.

But I'm like Bukowski,
I also had an abusive father,
I also was hit since I can remember…
But I'm not a genius.

I cannot write a novel in three months
Because I think novels are shit,
I think Pulp, Women and all his novels are shit...
I'm not Bukowski.

Yet again, I don't have a "blue bird"
But I was "born into this"
Into sleepless nights
Into endless sorrow.

I was a Goth,
I was a punk
I was not Bukowski.

I could have cried all day,
I could have cried all night,
I could have lost my mom,
But I was never Hank.

Nailo Gottblut.

08/09/14

martes, octubre 21

Mujeres



Mujeres

Podrían decir que mi gusto en mujeres es extraño,
inclusive retorcido,
pero existen mujeres que con una mirada me vuelven loco,
que con el sabor de su boca me embriagan.

Mujeres que con el perfume de su piel me obligan a delirar
y su suave tacto me envían a un mundo de fantasía,
desde el sueño más tierno,
hasta la más deliciosa perversión.

Con miradas que congelan el alma,
con palabras que calientan el cuerpo.
Con bocas que besan y muerden hasta sangrar,
con manos que acarician y rasguñan hasta desgarrar.

Nailo Gottblut
04/24/2013

martes, junio 3

Pray to the winds.




I have lost my faith in human race,
I've seen the horrors of their systematic violence,
I have lost myself to their shit,
And so I pray to the winds... for death!

Breath the air,
It is filled with the smell of death,
rotting corpses as far, as the eye can see,
And I pray to the winds... for death!

Pray to the winds, pray to your fallen gods,
pray for hope, but know there's no one watching from above,
Pray to your fallen gods, pray to the winds
Pray to your false, fallen and crucified god!

I have lost my faith and I seek for the truth,
from the top of the mountain my brothers bring violence
And in the skies there is silence,
So you pray to the winds... for death!

So you open your mouth and try to clarify,
the emptiness in the sky,
Can you tell me WHY!?
Can you tell ME, where is your crucified God!?

In the distance I hear the cries from the fathomless well,
In the distance I hear you pray to the winds.
In the distance I hear the meaning of life,
The lust and perversion,
In the distance you pray... pray to the winds... for salvation. (that will never come)

But there is emptiness in the sky!

Pray to the winds, pray to your fallen gods,
pray for hope, but know there's no one watching from above,
Pray to your fallen gods, pray to the winds
Pray to your false, fallen, and crucified god!

Nailo Gottblut
02/20/14

jueves, noviembre 14

A Jolly Good Fire.





A jolly good fire to burn it all down.
A jolly good fire to incinerate thy filthy corpse.
A friendly and candid fire to obliterate your souls.
A nice and warm fire to make it all turn into dust.

Ashes to ashes, now jump in the fire,
dust to dust, turning your flesh into a blackened crust.
Ashes to ashes, now jump in the fire,
dust to dust, I enjoy watching you burn.

Remember, remember, oh jolly good folk,
light up a fire to watch the infidels burn,
light up a fire and throw in those whores,
light up a fire and watch your gods burn.

Grab on them matches,
and a good ol' rope, to hang up the pope.
get them fine torches,
light up the oil.

Hands on them knifes and swords,
man all the guns,
ravage them whores,
dance on their ashes, dance on their bones.

A jolly good fire to burn it all down,
a jolly good fire to burn Babylon.
A jolly good fire to burn it all down,
a jolly good fire to to watch you all die.

jueves, febrero 14

Are you ready?



Are you ready?
Are you ready, to live inside?
Just close your eyes and reach for the light,
Just close your eyes and give me your hand.

This is our chance to share our lives
This is our chance to share our love,
Just close your eyes, reach out of the dark
Just close your eyes and give me your trust.

And within your heart, you’ll fell you can fly
Across the skies,
Across the oceans,
Within this love, you’ll feel free.

And when you feel ready,
When you feel free,
Just take my hand and face the dark,
Don’t be afraid, believe in me.

Don’t fear the storm,
Don’t fear the endless dark,
This is our time, this is our chance,
Within this love, we’ll fell free.

Are you ready?
Are you ready, to live inside?
Don’t fear the dark, reach out for the light,
Just close your eyes and give me your faith.

Blind confidence,
Love’s certainty,
Together we’ll cross this dark
And within this love we’ll feel free.

Are you ready?
Are you ready, to live inside?
When you feel ready I will be here,
When you feel ready I will take care of thee.

Are you ready?
Are you ready, to live inside?
Just close your eyes and reach for my hand,
Just close your eyes and I will take care of thee.

Nailo Gottblut
02/29/12